Thursday, May 13, 2010

Daily Challenges

Every runner feels the constant desire for improvement, and I would not consider myself exempt to this yearning to be stronger and faster.

I've been refusing to allow myself to reflect back upon my most recent race and the sequence of events that led up to the race in the weeks before. While I had my aspirations high, and spent many days out in the cold Chicago winter battling the wind and ice, I let myself down.

While it is a very vague thing to say that I did not meet my own expectations, there is much truth to this. Every race poses a challenge to each of its competitors. The whole principle of a race is to get from point A to point B in the quickest time possible while battling ones own demons. I've never been much of what I like to refer to as a "head-case", meaning the little voice inside of us that feels the pain and discomfort slowly eat away at the focus and self-awareness needed to successfully push us to challenge our self. Yet lately I have been finding myself in a runners rut where I am preventing myself from achieving the successes which I am capable of.

Yes I am preventing myself from success. Period.

I have put in the work, I have done the mileage, I have eaten all of the right foods, and I have spent many hours of my day going over mile paces and splits in my head. Yet it all has become a waste.

The month or so before my most recent race was a difficult one for me. I had all four of my wisdom teeth pulled, where two were severely impacted and led to a very difficult recovery. In my attempts to keep myself rested, I found myself restless despite being exhausted from working extremely strange and inconsistent hours at my job with long stretches between the occasional day off here and there. I skipped many of my weight lifting and yoga dates thinking that this would leave me feeling rested, instead it left me feeling weak and excessively tight. And I allowed my head to be filled with the stresses of my daily life, leaving my head feeling constantly cloudy with exhaustion of the over processing of my thoughts.

While I am well award of the ability of my self destructive ways, running has always been my release from that. Seeing myself give up on something that I have spent so much time pining towards is a difficult reflection for me. So, alas...it has to be told that I have turned myself into a "head-case" case. The avoidance of this is no longer within my abilities, and the truth that I am a runner and I constantly battle the good and bad in my mind must be dealt with.

Tomorrow is a new day, a fresh start where the previous days stressors needn't be overly indulged or processed in my mind. So onto tomorrow.

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