Thursday, April 28, 2011

A Runners Guilt

Thank you to all of you that sent me heartfelt responses to my last post. I realize that my words were not very up-beat and inspiring, but unfortunately I was quite upset and needed an opportunity to vent. So thank you for still reading my thoughts and not passing judgement on what a terrible person I am.

This week mind has been plagued with stressful thoughts about my workouts and upcoming races. Yesterday morning I woke up and felt so overwhelmed by the pressure I was putting on myself that I lashed out on my husband for requesting a ride to work because it was raining that left me with feelings of guilt and selfishness and made me think what a terrible wife I was being. Was my workout really more important then my hubby getting to work dry? No, but for some reason I made it out to be. I had a early morning meltdown and basically needed to put myself in a time-out, and I did. Wednesdays are always a speed work day for me and yesterday I had a scheduled 6 mile tempo at my 1/2 marathon goal pace. I opted out of the workout and instead took the day off to get a grip on myself.

There are a million things that I could blame my recently sour mood on (which has been quite apparent in my last few postings), but I instead would like to own up to my jerkyness and move on. Lately my focus in life has been on me and my desires which leaves me being a terrible wife, friend, sister, daughter, and Christian. I have let my goals take the foreground in my life and everything else become blurry in the background. Things shouldn't always be about me, so why do I make the world revolve around my desires? Because this is my greatest flaw.

My mind is in need of a time out to reflect on all the greatness I have in my life.

With all of the things going on, I can often forget about the greatness that surrounds me and inspires me to be a better person. So thank you D for your unending support and love. Your joy in watching me embark on my journey makes me love you that much more. You are a wonderfully supportive husband that lets me spend a ridiculous amount of money on races and running gear and is always on the sidelines cheering me on. You push me to go one step further in life and make me want to be a better woman that loves more. Your ability to deal with me everyday makes you a saint, and quite possibly the most patient man in the world.

I hate it when I'm blinded by my selfishness and don't pay enough attention to my family. These people are important and special to me yet sometimes I act like it is too inconvenient for me to leave my city bubble and drive 45 miles to spend time with them. I am grateful for these people and need to stop being a boob. Besides, running wouldn't be as special if I didn't have an audience.

My doggies bring a massive amount of joy to my life. They love me no matter how I look or smell, and are ecstatic to see me when I walk in the door. Maybe I should repay them more for their love with more dates to the beach and park rather then trying to fit in a few extra miles for myself.

It is important for me to achieve success in life and running, but what good is it all if I cannot enjoy life with my loved ones?

It ain't no good.

Is it normal to have "runners guilt", or am I just off my rocker?


  1. totally normal. i've done the same thing to my husband. they really are saints for being patient and understanding!

  2. I'm so glad you found my blog! Your pups are so freaking cute!

    the guilt is definitely normal! I've been there too :)

  3. so so normal! me and my hub had a "spat" you could say over this topic awhile back and i suddenly was overwhelmed with a runner's guilt moment.. my workouts and scheduling things around my runs seems so important so sometimes i forget that it does affect others a little. but the thing is, 99% of the time our husbands are gonna be great about it all and totally understand, then that 1% of the time, it's good for us to have a reality check so we appreciate it :)

  4. Hey Britt, I so hear you on this one girl! As you saw in my last couple of posts...I've been struggling with the same things! Great post here! Love your reflections. I'm so glad I took today off and maybe even tomorrow. I'm taking my training back down to the middle level instead of trying to take it up to so many miles and put so much pressure on myself. Definitely felt like it was getting to be where everything else was blurry in the background. Glad I'm not alone with this. Remind me when your big race is again?