I received so many wonderful comments in regards to my last posting, and I just wanted to give a little thank you to all of your kind thoughts. For me running is a really raw exposing experience, where yes I do put pressures on myself to turn up the heat one degree with each workout. But I am a very appreciative person, and I praise my LORD everyday for my abilities. Being able to move my body the way I do is truly a gift that I am not capable of powering on my own, and I bow down to my savior each and everyday for this blessing. While it may have come off that I do not enjoy hitting the pavement and testing my limits, running really does bring peace and joy to my life. I am an honest woman, and life is not always easy and I do not want to live in a world where I pretend that it is. This blog is a space for my word vomit to exit through my fingers and be turned into some type of sense, which may not always seem apparent.
Where others may seek comfort in the silence of their fears, the opposite is true for me. I do have fears in life and instead of holding these thoughts in and letting them permeate like toxins running through my blood, they need to exit and be laid to rest so that I can move forward with my life. I have been holding in my marathon fears in for way too long, pretending as if they do not exist in my mind, and the only way I know how to move forward is to be honest with acknowledgement where these thoughts can then be laid to rest. My journey is no more special or important then any other, everyone has struggles that weight them down. Being candid and upfront admitting that anxiety and fears are a normal part of growth, where running is no exception, is my purpose. If my honesty can make one person feel like they are not alone is their struggles, then I have done my job. Every runner, no matter how many miles clocked or pace taken, has what my friend Amanda would call "race residue". Unless we deal with this residue, it will not be washed away and we can prevent ourselves from the great experiences that the future may hold.
So if my last posing made people think that I am a nut case and unappreciative of my abilities, I am sorry but this is how I deal with conflict in my life. My blog is a space for me to be truthful and upfront.
Moving on with life, yesterday I headed out for 5x1600's in the early afternoon. My goal pace for the day was 6:20-25 with 800 jogging recoveries, but I knew when I headed out the door that this wasn't going to happen.
For some reason when I start a new training cycle I always have a difficult time finding my speed, and yesterday was no exception. After the second repeat I was tempted to put a kibosh on the whole workout, but instead decided to just take the recoveries a bit slower and adjust my pace. Overall I was quite a bit off of my goal pace for these repeats, but I am confident in saying that this was a successful workout. Honestly it was difficult, more so then usual, but when I could have thrown in the towel I instead decided to continue on. To me that is more important then the numbers here.
Gearing up for my 18 miler this Friday is making me anxious. This will be my furthest distance run this year and I'm ready for it. Until then lots of carbs and rest is how I will be passing the time.