"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps" Proverbs 16:18
Deena Kastor, American record holder in the marathon, after finishing in 5th at last weeks trials
Sometimes even the best of athletes need to take a time out and reassess where the road ahead is leading them.
Life around this neck of the woods has been awkwardly fickle like this as of late. Days seem to whiz by throwing well meaning plans out the window and leave me clinging by the seat of my pants as I often shuffle off from one place to the next. I'm a planner and I enjoy diligently detailing the unseen days with lists of "to-do's" and the quests my heart longs to embark upon. Then life happens, and it laughs hysterically at my planned ventures where the wind is constantly blowing me in the opposite direction.
I made a plan for the spring. Sure it was tentative, but my mind already begun to settle into the ideas of my future adventures. After my battered and beaten body crumbled to pieces last fall at the Chicago marathon, my head was more then ready to take on a rematch.
Me vs. the marathon.
And this was a battle I was going to win.
No doubt about it.
As the logistics of my less-the-thought-out-plan begun to catch up with me where my heart finally caught up with my head, I realized that I am insane.
My plan for the first 6 months of this year was to be a running machine. Spend my days pouring myself once again into marathon training where I would somehow still be able to pick up enough speed to run an 8k PR in late March and a mind-blowing 10 miler 6 days post marathon. I was mentally confident that my bodies physical abilities were ready for this challenge, until the logistical part of my brain decided to join the rest of the party and shine some light upon reality.
I know myself and how I pour my everything into the things that liven my heart bringing about blissful moments that make me want to dance through the streets of Chicago. Running does this for me. It makes me feel alive and unchained where caution is thrown into the wind. Yet, my heart is staggering when it comes to the marathon, especially at this point in time. I want to like this distance, I want to chase down a dream, but I more so want to cross the finish line of my races this year and be hugged with all of the race day glory and radiate positivity. My fear right now is that venturing down marathon lane at this point in time is going to turn me into a rigid-fiery beast where all I'm going to be doing is chasing down a number, and honestly I don't want to do that.
So I'm calling it...I'm pulling the spring marathon plug and changing the game plan.
Doing what makes my heart flutter is more important at this stage in my life then playing a numbers game with the marathon. Sadly for me the marathon hasn't been made my heart flutter in ages, instead it has been making it flat line and leaving me feeling frustrated and stale. I think the two of us need a break this spring and maybe consider rekindling our flame in the fall, and I feel peace with this decision. Actually I feel pretty stinkin great about forgoing the marathon at this point in time as I'm trying to allow myself to run more by my intuition.
March will host a start in the elite corral of the Shamrock Shuffle 8k, a spring half marathon that will hopefully host a delicious PR, and a little race called the Soldier Field 10 Mile that attracts a mere 10,000+ runners and is by far the best Chicagoland race all year. And maybe a fall marathon with the husband.