Running these days has taken on an entirely new meaning for my life. It has made way for challenges and opportunity that had never seemed possible in earlier years and has enabled my once self-conscious mind to feel empowered and capable of things I would never have dreamed of as my younger more cautious and doubtful self.
It wasn’t always this way for me. At first running was a way for my heart to feel free and unchained from the mediocrity of the world, but somehow over the years transformed into a pressure filled hobby where satisfaction would only come from great forward momentum and accomplishment. Crumbling under a state of self-sabotage was something that became a new norm in my life and led me into a scary downhill spiral that took time to defeat and overcome. I let the hobby that once brought my less then exceptional soul new found merriment and unbelievable moments filled with extraordinary inspiration take hold of me. This was no fault but my own, and came along when I lost sight of the things that meant most to me in life.
Running became my idol, where I only felt as great about myself as my running allowed.
Self value was define by the speed of my feet, which often times left a sticky residue on my achy heart from short comings of what I felt my running destiny was. Suddenly the freedom that came from my hobby begun to suck the life out of me, plaguing me with one injury after another where the tiny amount of self-confidence my heart carried at that point in time became tarnished and null.
That was my roughest patch in life where I let myself become a victim of my situation. I didn’t like my job, life was hard, my running wasn’t progressing the way I wanted it to, and I felt like my life begun to lack any sense of direction or purpose. There was no responsibility taken on my part, instead I just felt like the world was against me and I had somehow just stumbled onto a string of bad luck that would eventually work itself out. Soon this attitude led me into a quarter life crisis that took every bit of my strength to crawl out of.
Here through my relentless stubbornness was where I learned to embrace life for what it is; taking hold of the things life has blessed me with where trusting that the Lord knows my heart became my saving grace. I lost my vision and purpose for life and somehow wrapped up all of my worth in the hobby that once made my heart sing and soul dance instead of embracing this crazy adventure called life. Learning that good fortune doesn't happen by chance and life will never give back more then you put in nearly broke me until the moment where my heart was no longer blinded by my ignorance set my soul free.
When your situation begins to take hold of you, bringing your heart down a dark and lonely road leaving you will feelings of confusion and frustration, whether you believe it or not...you do have the choice of how you want to forge on ahead. Each day the sun rises illuminating new beginnings and creating life for the seen and unseen possibilities of the future.
You can look to your idols to fill your heart with worthiness and meaning, or live reckless and bold forging ahead to brave the storm making the most of the adventure that each day holds.
Years ago I consciously made the choice to let go of expectation and embrace my life for what it is. There is no promise that my situation will lack complexity or that there won’t be days filled with heart-breaking challenges, instead acknowledgment flows like raging waters through my soul that short comings and set backs are a part of this crazy journey.
Karma isn’t real and luck is defined only by perspective. Knowing this I run bravely into the wind taking life for what it is making a conscious choice to hold my head high embracing it all.