Friday, February 17, 2012

Living Recklessly Bold is a Choice


Running these days has taken on an entirely new meaning for my life. It has made way for challenges and opportunity that had never seemed possible in earlier years and has enabled my once self-conscious mind to feel empowered and capable of things I would never have dreamed of as my younger more cautious and doubtful self.

It wasn’t always this way for me. At first running was a way for my heart to feel free and unchained from the mediocrity of the world, but somehow over the years transformed into a pressure filled hobby where satisfaction would only come from great forward momentum and accomplishment. Crumbling under a state of self-sabotage was something that became a new norm in my life and led me into a scary downhill spiral that took time to defeat and overcome. I let the hobby that once brought my less then exceptional soul new found merriment and unbelievable moments filled with extraordinary inspiration take hold of me. This was no fault but my own, and came along when I lost sight of the things that meant most to me in life. 

Running became my idol, where I only felt as great about myself as my running allowed. 

Self value was define by the speed of my feet, which often times left a sticky residue on my achy heart from short comings of what I felt my running destiny was. Suddenly the freedom that came from my hobby begun to suck the life out of me, plaguing me with one injury after another where the tiny amount of self-confidence my heart carried at that point in time became tarnished and null.

That was my roughest patch in life where I let myself become a victim of my situation. I didn’t like my job, life was hard, my running wasn’t progressing the way I wanted it to, and I felt like my life begun to lack any sense of direction or purpose. There was no responsibility taken on my part, instead I just felt like the world was against me and I had somehow just stumbled onto a string of bad luck that would eventually work itself out. Soon this attitude led me into a quarter life crisis that took every bit of my strength to crawl out of. 

Here through my relentless stubbornness was where I learned to embrace life for what it is; taking hold of the things life has blessed me with where trusting that the Lord knows my heart became my saving grace. I lost my vision and purpose for life and somehow wrapped up all of my worth in the hobby that once made my heart sing and soul dance instead of embracing this crazy adventure called life. Learning that good fortune doesn't happen by chance and life will never give back more then you put in nearly broke me until the moment where my heart was no longer blinded by my ignorance set my soul free.

When your situation begins to take hold of you, bringing your heart down a dark and lonely road leaving you will feelings of confusion and frustration, whether you believe it or not...you do have the choice of how you want to forge on ahead. Each day the sun rises illuminating new beginnings and creating life for the seen and unseen possibilities of the future.




You can look to your idols to fill your heart with worthiness and meaning, or live reckless and bold forging ahead to brave the storm making the most of the adventure that each day holds.

Years ago I consciously made the choice to let go of expectation and embrace my life for what it is. There is no promise that my situation will lack complexity or that there won’t be days filled with heart-breaking challenges, instead acknowledgment flows like raging waters through my soul that short comings and set backs are a part of this crazy journey.

Karma isn’t real and luck is defined only by perspective. Knowing this I run bravely into the wind taking life for what it is making a conscious choice to hold my head high embracing it all.

10 comments:

  1. These are the posts I love most from you Britt. Love your reflection and how you share your life with us. You share your insights. Thank you. Gosh, it is so easy to get caught up in making something like running our idol and determining our self worth and success by how well we do, etc. I know you are writing about so much more here and I plan on rereading this but for now I take away from this that life is truly a gift. And it is so freeing to know that life will happen as it may but it is up to me to keep living life to the fullest and taking the good with the bad. And knowing that all the things that happen along the way are part of what makes ME ME and my life extraordinary. Great post Britt! Good to have a few minutes for blog reading today...glad yours has been one of them.

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  2. I LOVE this post! so open and honest, girl you rock!!
    I love where you are with running, such a good place!
    I am excited to become more and more of a running, and really grow into the sport, but I never want to obsess or get # crazy.
    I love running way to much to let any numbers decide whether or not I had a "good" run...to me every run is a good run because I work with patients everyday who only dream of being able to run.
    I hope you have a great weekend ahead of you!
    xoxo!

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  3. This was beautiful, Britt! I can so relate to that quarter life crisis cuz I too went through a major one. I almost wonder if everyone does. It is all a matter of perspective for sure. I could not agree more that we make our own luck and so much more is in our control than we imagine.

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  4. Um......wow.

    You are an amazing writer. I love this post!

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  5. I can identify with this. To put something we enjoy, find freeing, and empowered by, ahead of all else- it just costs you the joy of all the other things around you. It's funny how the times I can best see this are when i can pull myself away from running, usually it takes illness or injury. God bless the person who doesn't need those circumstances to see what an idol running, (or anything for that matter) can be.
    I think I did a post on this quite a while back. Not sure if it's still in my blog, though.

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  6. Beautiful post. I'm glad you have such a positive attitude now and running can once again be a joy in your life.

    Part of the reason I love to run in the morning is to see the sun- it brings hope and promise of new day :)

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  7. 'At first running was a way for my heart to feel free and unchained from the mediocrity of the world, but somehow over the years transformed into a pressure filled hobby where satisfaction would only come from great forward momentum and accomplishment. Crumbling under a state of self-sabotage was something that became a new norm in my life and led me into a scary downhill spiral that took time to defeat and overcome.'

    You have summed up my life in one paragraph. I've never read anything that puts my own struggles so succinctly before. I still struggle with everything in the world being mediocre, not being able to find anything meaningful, at all, besides running, and being stuck in a career I hate. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for giving me some hope that there might be something more out there...one day.

    xxx

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  8. You, my friend, are a gifted writer .... And runner!

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  9. you are strong and wise.....I think running helps to teach us that and many other things along the way. Great post!

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  10. Such a beautiful, transparent post. I think a lot of runners can get caught up in the numbers and feeling like meeting some type of running quota defines their worth. So awesome that you have found your joy and freedom again with your running, that is a beautiful feeling. I do agree that living free of those expectations and going forth boldly is the way to go.

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