Yesterday somehow became one of those crazy unorganized days for me where everything seemed to be mismatched together leaving even the most simplest of tasks absorbing more of my precious time to complete then they should have. For most of the day this left me feeling as if I was stuck on an endless roller coaster and time seemed to slip right through my hands like sand leaving behind a trail of only dust. By 4 pm the residue of the murky day had somehow permeated into my skin, leaving a hazardous cloudy funk radiating off me. A sudden moment of extreme anxiety submerged every fiber of my being where I thought the only answer for afternoon rejuvenation would be to become a refugee to the shower putting a little soap and water to my stink.
As I mustered up the courage to scrub days of staleness out of my hair and watched the filth I'd been carry around all day dissipate down the drain, I suddenly realized that it was lent.
How could this be?
How could the day have whizzed by filled with mile-high heaps of laundry, Iron Chef escapades occurring in my kitchen which remnants where still awaiting my attention, and the fact that I've been chasing one of my dogs down all day trying to trim his nails so that he stops trying to do it himself...how had all of this happened in the 16 hours leading up to that point and lent hadn't once trickled into my mind?
After I was able to draw myself away from what seemed like the most exposing shower of my life, I found myself standing with sopping wet hair looking around my home. The TV was on to provide a bit of background noise, heaps of dirty dishes waiting for me to scrub stood strewn about my kitchen, the funky laundry that needed tending to overflowing from the basket onto the messy floor, and the 10 to-do lists scattered between books and important papers on my desk that I continually add to all begun to form eyes with a fixating stare directed towards me when suddenly I realized...it is all filler. Filler that I add to my day to make me feel like I'm accomplishing something important, fluff and earthly duties I hold with such high regard to show progress and keeps me from thinking about the other more important things in my life.
The to-do's and what not to-do's, why had this all become so important in my life? Where has my faith trailed off to and how have I allowed myself to become so consumed by me? How on earth did I miss this day?
There have been very few moments in my life where I've been able to check myself without external intervention, moments where I was able to actually stop and realize the err of my ways. This was one of those moments.
Mentally I had already settled into the idea that instead of giving up something for this Lenten season that I was going to challenge myself to take something on, something that never felt more convicted of then in that moment as my barely clothed body stood soaking wet in my objectified living room.
My mind had already acknowledged that I'm a selfish human, always thinking about myself, especially within my marriage.
MY energy levels
But it wasn't until this moment amongst the silent solitude of my messy home and cluttered mind where I begun to feel the weight of my conviction from constantly putting myself before others.
Whether you are a Christian or not, lent offers the same promise to you as it does for me. It gives hope that there are greater things to come and we are all faint of heart, but rejuvenation exists for the restless and weary. Today for me it means that the world is less about me and more about my higher purpose, that learning a bit of humility every now and then is good for the soul, and a bit of objectivity never hurts.
This is the time for me to hush all the white noise I use as filler though out my day for praise and confession to my Lord.
Time to make my husband a pot of coffee in the morning without giving him a hard time about how inconvenient it is for me.
Time to be present and still.