funny how the desires of ones heart can so drastically change in a 6 month time frame.
exactly 6 months ago i eagerly followed the lead of my husband pulling the trigger for the Chicago marathon 2012. maybe it was all the excitement from meeting abdi or the fact that MY HUBBY WAS RUNNING A MARATHON, either way i had no shame about spending that $150 on myself. until now.
truthfully i've never really liked the marathon. at first thought it always sounds like a great adventure to me, just me and the open road coasting along for hours. but as it becomes my reality, it somehow looses a bit of it's luster on me. not really sure why, but it has held an inevitable doom over me for mary's 2 through 6. two years ago i sent myself into a mental tizzy with the pressure i was putting on myself as i spent the thirty minutes pre race in tears. yikes, for sure a low point in my life. and than there's last year, i was a mentally charged powerhouse but my body begun to break down in the taper weeks before the race and completely derailed after mile 15. that really sucked.
but for some dang reason i keep signing up for this distance. never learn i suppose.
being realistic here, i think that the marathon and i need a bit of a break. nothing permanent, just a bit of space to figure things out and explore our options. i mean there are a lot of other races out there, and i think we would be both limiting ourselves if we focused solely on each other instead of prospecting other opportunities.
so yes, it's true big hairy CM12 goal...i'm calling it off. but it's not you, it's me.
that sub 3:10 finish (and then some) is still out there for me, just not this year. and maybe not next. or even the next one after that. but one day.
sometimes what is important to me in the moment isn't the same thing that is important to me weeks, months, or even years down the line. but such is life, constantly evolving so who am i to fight the change?
i'm still toeing the line this fall next to the love of my life as his own personal pacer and cheer squad all wrapped up in one, which i am ecstatic about. i've been running for so many years now where it has always been about me.
passing up late night friday escapades because i have to get up early for a long run the next morning.
early sunday morning races where support is needed and sometimes expected.
pairs upon pairs of shoes.
thousands and thousands of dollars on race entry fees.
always getting that last extra serving of dinner because i need extra fuel stores.
being at the side of my man as he races his first marathon in 6 years has recently seemed more important to me than that PR because there doesn't have to be an expiration date on that. it'll still be there waiting for me when my body is strong enough to handle it and my heart is eager enough to chase it down. so for now i'm going to stand aside and let him have his moment as i quietly fade into the background, God knows this man deserves it after years in the supportive role at countless races.
i'm taking that $150 guaranteed B corral spot and lining my tushy way in the back pack of runners of the open corral to enjoy those 26.2 miles alongside my best friend in the city i love.
no expecation. no hard feelings. no regrets.