"Believe that you can run farther or faster. Believe that you're young enough, old enough, strong enough, and so on to accomplish everything you want to do. Don't let worn-out beliefs stop you from moving beyond yourself."
With every new goal, new obstacle, and unvisited experience, there comes a certain amount of fear.
Am I good enough?
Can my body handle it all?
Will this be worth it?
Am I crazy?
For me there is a lot of fear moving forward with this fall marathon pursuit; fear that I am both my best and worst supporter and can easily allow myself to get carried away.
I've spent most of 2013 rebuilding my running routes and starting back at square one. Staying well within the lines of my comfort zone. Playing by the rules, being realistic, and taming my overzealous spirit. Obviously it was the right choice because I'm here now, feeling stronger and more grounded than I've ever been while nailing my workouts. It's been a long time, and oddly enough it's been a tricky thing to get used to. Who would have thought success would make me feel so uneasy?
There is, and most likely always will be, that voice inside my head telling me to push harder, run faster, and go further.
That voice is filled with plenty of nonsensical reason and makes me more of an irrational human than I already am.
One that thinks excess can lead to better things than logic and conservation.
Keeping that in check is very challenging for me.
When a workout is going well, it takes every ounce of my willpower to not press harder or get in just one more mile. Instead, I'm constantly in a state of reminding myself that steady control is my friend and will be the secret to any successes this fall.
Today's tempo was no different.
Plan was to hit 4 miles on rolling hills in the 6:35-40 range.
For the first time in ages, I felt completely in control inside of my body. The foreign feeling of the mind and body working together harmoniously to accomplish the same thing was uncomfortably intoxicating, leaving me drunk on my sweat.
Relaxed as the legs fluidly moved forward clawing at the ground, it was easy in the early miles talking myself into adding an extra tempo mile for the day. Rounding things out at 5 instead of 4.
Everything was saying lets ride this high and keep the train-a-rollin'.
I think it's entirely normal to have those realistic fears of uncharted waters.
What isn't okay is convincing myself that sailing those waters before I'm ready is a good idea.
Everything comes with time.
And I still need some time to get there safely.
As quickly as I talked myself into that 5th tempo mile, I talked myself out of it.
Seems like the better decision since I walked away from the workout craving more with an little extra pep in my step. Clearing away a wee-bit of doubt and uncertainty about the logic of this road workout by workout is all I can do.
Be in the mile I'm in,
and let go of the next.